


retrospect

by moonminghao



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M, and jun wants to talk about it, basically its years after seventeen disbands, i wrote this in a night bc im emo and dramatic, sorry the summary is Not Good, thats it, this is sad im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-28
Updated: 2017-08-28
Packaged: 2018-12-20 22:07:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11930262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonminghao/pseuds/moonminghao
Summary: “i loved you.”“we were children, jun.”“and so we loved like children. but it was still love.”





	retrospect

minghao is doing the dishes when his phone starts ringing. he puts a plate down, wiping off his hands and crossing the kitchen to grab his cellphone. he had figured it would be a work call, or maybe just a telemarketer, but the caller ID reads as ‘junhui’. minghao reads it again and again, and although he is confused, he never once considers leaving it be. 

“hello? junhui?”

there’s silence for a second, and minghao thinks that maybe junhui accidentally called him, and has now hung up. they haven’t spoken in months, and he doesn’t see why they should start now.

“there were so many of us.” 

junhui’s voice is quiet, soft but deep, recognizably his. he sounds slightly drunk, and minghao is taken aback by his statement.

“ _what?_ ” 

“i’ve just been thinking about how there were so many of us. in seventeen, i mean. thirteen boys. i still can’t believe we managed to pull that off for as long as we did.”

minghao leans back onto the kitchen counter. he wants to comment on how weird it is to call your old bandmate in order to reminisce at one in the morning on a tuesday, but he doesn’t. he supposes he still finds comfort in junhui’s voice, even now when he doesn’t need any comforting, and if junhui wants to talk about things that happened eight years ago, then he’ll let him. 

“yeah.” he chuckles a little. “i guess there were. and there could’ve been more of us, too…” 

“i can’t imagine it, anyone else and i think we would have exceeded the legal limit of amount of people allowed to live in a single dorm.” junhui sounds relieved that minghao wants to talk, that he isn’t asking any questions

“i think we would have been fine. we always were.”

junhui laughs at that, and his laugh still sounds the same as when they first met, when he spit all over minghao’s face and then proceeded to avoid him for a week. 

“there were so many of us that i always felt bad for seungcheol. must’ve been hard trying to keep everyone alive and in line. and he was just a kid like the rest of us, but we treated him like he had all the answers.” 

minghao nods. he remembers all the times when everyone had looked to seungcheol to fix whatever had been broken, clean whatever mess had been made, answer whatever unanswerable question had been asked. he nods, although junhui can’t see it.

“at least he had jeonghan.” minghao responds, “i think seungcheol could have done anything as long as jeonghan was with him.”

“at least he had jeonghan.” junhui repeats, before adding on: “and we all wanted jeonghan.”

and it’s true. the younger ones wanted him to care for them, with his soft smile and warm hugs, soonyoung wanted love and jisoo wanted jeonghan underneath him, long hair fanned out on a soft pillow in some hotel. jihoon just wanted any friend he could get. minghao doesn’t know what junhui wanted, he doesn’t think he ever asked. 

“and besides, i think seungcheol adored being leader when we were doing well.”

“when we were doing well it felt like we were on top of the world, huh? even with no sleep and no food and too much fucking hair dye, we were still happy enough to burst.”

“god, junhui, remember how hansol and seungkwan always acted like two kids in a candy store? they were always so excited to just be with each other and experience everything they could together, i genuinely don’t think hansol was ever sane or happy without seungkwan.”

“do you remember all the dancing?” 

“of course i remember the dancing, junhui, we were on the performance unit.” he hasn’t said ‘performance unit’ for so long that it sends a small wave of stupid nostalgia over him. 

“and we loved every second of it. even when it was three a.m. and soonyoung kept saying that we couldn’t leave until we got the damn timing in ‘don’t wanna cry’ right.” he pauses. “minghao, do you remember ‘my i’?” 

“with the ribbon, right?” he acts like he isn’t sure, like the memory of performing it on stage with junhui in front of thousands but somehow alone at the same time isn’t something he could never forget.

“and the lyrics. remember?” 

“of course,” and minghao thinks that maybe this is what junhui called for, just to hear him sing a song that he hasn’t practiced for ages, quiet mandarin reciting the lyrics like he wrote them the day before, “when i meet you after time passes-”

junhui sings back just as quietly, “i’ll know.” 

“you protected me.” minghao holds the phone close to him, cold metal against his warm cheek.

“i’ll know.” junhui’s voice sounds impossibly close and yet extremely far away, “i longed for you.”

it’s the sincerity in jun’s voice that snaps minghao out of it, and suddenly it feels like they’re back in the old dorm, junhui confessing to him as if minghao even knew what love was.

“this is ridiculous.” minghao snorts. junhui doesn’t respond for a while, but when he does, his voice cracks ever so slightly.

“i loved you, hao.”

“we were children, jun.”

“and so we loved like children. but it was still love.”

he says it with so much certainty, so much conviction that all minghao can do is nod. 

too soon for minghao’s liking, junhui is saying that he needs to go, that his girl is waiting for him, and then the call ends. it feels like being pulled out into the cold air from warm water, and minghao turns back to continue doing the dishes like the phone call never happened. he doesn’t stop himself, though, from singing the rest of the song as he stands in his kitchen, alone.

**Author's Note:**

> if u hate me i completely understand 
> 
> (also follow me on tumblr @moon-minghao)


End file.
